As Valentine’s Day approaches and the shops fill with hearts, flowers and chocolate boxes, most men start to feel anxious and stressed. How can love be in the air when you are feeling the pressure to make Valentine’s Day as romantic and glamourous as it appears in Hollywood movies? How can you meet the expectations placed on you? Unfortunately without a script writer, a million-dollar budget and an animal trainer to keep the horse-drawn carriage under control, most men end up grabbing a bunch of flowers and hoping for the best.
So how do you create romance and show your partner that you care? It goes without saying that everyone is different and there is no guaranteed recipe for the perfect date, but there are a few pointers to make sure that the day – and night – turns out to be a fun and playful bonding experience rather than an added strain on your blood pressure. Jonti Searll, creator of ErosLife, is a healer and teacher with over 25 years of experience in working with couples and single people to renew and refresh the intimacy in relationships. He has some pointers on how to take the stress out of Valentine’s Day.
According to Jonti, the first point is ridiculously simple, but it requires that egos be put aside – just ask. You can be subtle, and don’t have to ask outright, but work into conversation questions about what your partner considers romantic or sensual or special. Not only will you come to find out more about them, but they’ll be very appreciative that you take the time to find out. The next thing Jonti advises is not to make the mistake of buying or organising something that you like, assuming your partner will like it too. One good example is lingerie – men often buy lingerie that excites them, but which is far too over the top for their female partner. She may wear it to please him, but it won’t be a gift for her. Jonti’s third tip is too keep it simple and personal. Often, a small gift with a lot of meaning can touch someone far more deeply than anything extravagant ever could.
Jonti says, “Valentine’s Day is very confusing for a lot of people, and I think that is because often we lose touch with our partner and what is special to them. I want to encourage people to make the day about connecting and sharing instead of just spending money.” And, he reminds us, “Your relationship is full-time, every day. So while taking one day to make a gesture is good, keep in mind that you should be trying to keep the romance alive all the time.”
ErosLife Eros Life offers tailored workshops, massage experiences, counselling and support in the form of online resources or DVDs to help build and heal relationships. For more information on what Eros Life has to offer go to http://www.eroslife.co.za/