For fabulous sex, you have to speak up: Why is communication so important in the bedroom

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For fabulous sex, you have to speak up: Why is communication so important in the bedroom?

The most important part of your body when it comes to good sex is…your mouth. But not for the reasons you might think. Jonti Searll, a healer and therapist specialising in intimacy and sexuality and the founder of ErosLife, is adamant that using your mouth for good communication, such as having open discussions and speaking up about your needs and expectations, is the biggest step you can take towards having incredible sex.

The movie adaptation of the overnight sensation 50 Shades of Grey premiered two weeks ago to SA audiences who flocked to cinemas, making it clear that people are fascinated and intrigued by sexual taboos, and that they want to explore different facets of their sexuality. It is still, however, not conventional for South Africans to openly discuss issues around sex. Jonti believes that this is very problematic for couples, who need to have honest conversations with each other in order to connect and create a safe space for intimacy and pleasure.

According to Jonti, “Sex is the part of life spoken about the least. It’s the part of life where we hear the most myths and misinformation. Because of this, and the guilt, shame and embarrassment we feel about various aspects of our sexuality, we often don’t have the information or understanding we’d like, and this prevents us from having a truly satisfying sex life.”

ErosLife offers sensual workshops, counselling sessions and on-line resources that help couples to connect. Their couple’s programme, Eros Connection, focuses strongly on opening up the channels of communication and helping couples to develop guidelines on how to communicate, including emphasising positive aspects of the relationship, being clear and open, developing patience and creating a space with no distractions.

ErosLife offers tailored workshops, seminars, counselling sessions and lessons for couples and single indiviudals. For more information on ErosLife, go to

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